Barely Breathing

I feel like I should tell you all in one breath
But God knows I have iron lungs
I won't try to defy the laws He set for me
I can't break all of them
I should try to think before I speak
And speak before I think
I think that's a good way not to lose
Even so I can't win all the time
Perhaps I was wrong to tell you otherwise
I will keep breathing steadily and absently
Carbon dioxide is the only product I'm making

Cara Hawkins 12-22-09

To Bed Without a Goodnight

The vague contradiction of snow on a sunny day is disheartening once the air whips through you. The shallow look of a sky that's faded wears the bereft expression of winter.

The moon's countenance doesn't change; only I can experience the cold. It deposits remnants of joy with terminal lives, deepening the need for light.

When I relapse into daydreams of carnage and dull phantasms so does the realm around me, resurrecting false ghosts for bitter reproving in time for the changing season.

I bury my old pleasures like a jealous lover and metamorphose through ever-changing denial so that I am of one mind, as if I was never arrested by the winter's bleak authority. I refute the darkness and turn to shame to perfect a false perception of reality.

Such a pursuit is not awarded by happiness. However, I am found by it when my brave thoughts come to bear.

Cara Hawkins 12-7-09