never right, never wrong

Question; are we better off than anyone we know?

Do we know anyone, even ourselves?

Question; why do you just stand there?

Can you ever understand this is just

what I never planned? I cry then you cry,

always feeling the same thing, but never at the same time.

So I beg you to bridge the gap,

take up your heavy bags and let's leave here.

It's an impossible task you ask me to fulfill,

but all the same I slide past. The obvious has overthrown me,

defeated and ignored me, so I ask you still,

will you wait for me? Will you close your eyes

to the truth and breathe lies?

We do much worse with our own poison,

and I never want to berate you. My hands ball in fists,

I throw my back against the wall, turning my face on you.

When I look on into your glassy eyes,

will I see the answer to my question?

C.H. 12-7-10

Flirting With

Like a rollercoaster in the night

going through my head

then I fall asleep to get deep

took a shot and reaped nothing

the bluish spots of antiquity

on the surface seem lovely

but these are scars

tightly knit together,

I want to meld

You held the sword

and I took it all, save nothing

it won't ever be the same

but I'll be damned for it

you've brought out the best

when I fell for the worst

so I could try again

I'll lay down on the grass

with stones as my only witness

singing beneath the water

I saw her, she did it.

C.H. 11-10-10

Contrapuntal

There has to be a conviction
that isn't made of selfish whims.
I know it's somewhere,
but there's no way of getting out there.
To think outside the box,
you have to be outside yourself.
No one can manage that
unless they've stopped feeling.
There are no excuses
that will heal any unwanted pain.
I've wrapped my head around
every critical thought
and found no point to make.
There's simply nothing worth saying.
I have tender thoughts that yield to logic.
This is what makes works of fiction seem worthless.

Cara Hawkins 3-5-10

In Tact

I'm not so gray anymore.
Things aren't as they should be these days.
The future is changing
and I'm helpless to evade it.
Every fragment I pieced together
to make a larger picture has yet a crack
that can't be filled.
I'm not a bad person.
I don't lie or piss on graves.
My heart isn't empty though.
I can't say I've never had my doubts
or that my doubts have never had me.
In just a moment everything can remain the same.
I flash a look that conveys everything I want it to,
and it's not enough.
I'm making my own eternity,
and it's not enough.
When it comes to the world
there are many things I disbelieve.
I don't care who you are
or where you've been.
My eyes don't know your soul.
In time I'll tell you all I know.

Cara Hawkins 2-18-10

Wasted Sleep

I'm not as lost as all the undertones,
speaking lullabies to me.
I sing colors of bright and varying hues
that swim in a variegated ocean.
The tea I drink isn't doing anything for my health.
There are no good decisions,
but there are very bad ones.
They rise and swell on the surface of well,
and I surf in its waveless tides.
I'm grateful for the decisions I've made
as they make it easier to understand.
Let's swim on from here because
I want to know what's beyond the deep end.

Cara Hawkins 2-4-10