In Tact

I'm not so gray anymore.
Things aren't as they should be these days.
The future is changing
and I'm helpless to evade it.
Every fragment I pieced together
to make a larger picture has yet a crack
that can't be filled.
I'm not a bad person.
I don't lie or piss on graves.
My heart isn't empty though.
I can't say I've never had my doubts
or that my doubts have never had me.
In just a moment everything can remain the same.
I flash a look that conveys everything I want it to,
and it's not enough.
I'm making my own eternity,
and it's not enough.
When it comes to the world
there are many things I disbelieve.
I don't care who you are
or where you've been.
My eyes don't know your soul.
In time I'll tell you all I know.

Cara Hawkins 2-18-10

Wasted Sleep

I'm not as lost as all the undertones,
speaking lullabies to me.
I sing colors of bright and varying hues
that swim in a variegated ocean.
The tea I drink isn't doing anything for my health.
There are no good decisions,
but there are very bad ones.
They rise and swell on the surface of well,
and I surf in its waveless tides.
I'm grateful for the decisions I've made
as they make it easier to understand.
Let's swim on from here because
I want to know what's beyond the deep end.

Cara Hawkins 2-4-10